" By the time I reach the 'Amoebae Kid Rock' concert scene (yes, you have to watch an animated Kid Rock in concert for a good 3 minutes) I was ready to poop fling my own slimy cell matter on to the screen. "

      Title: Osmosis Jones by Warner Bros. Pictures

      Format: Major Motion Picture

      Reviewing Monkey: Dungapult

      The Hype: You know, I’ve always wondered why I get sick. Evidently, the reason is that I don’t have badass blood cells like Chris Rock fighting the germs that make it into my body. I’m glad this movie set me straight.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Story: What happens when you eat an egg covered in dirt, monkey spit, and simian feces? No, I’m not talking about Cornelius’ breath…I’m talking about Bill Murray ingesting a rare and fatal super virus which is going to try it’s best to off Bill fast enough to make it into the "Lethal Virus Top 10". Unfortunately, in his way stand a rogue white blood cell and an over the counter cold pill. Plus, if that’s not enough high-end drama for you, there’s also a gripping sub story about Bill’s attempts to bond with his daughter after humiliating them both in an unfortunate projectile vomiting incident.
          Forget a boring old love story or trite war drama- nothing moves me like watching a cellular war in Bill Murray’s forehead that culminates in a zit exploding into Molly Shannon’s mouth. Amazing. 2 out of 5

      Acting: Well, the majority of the movie is animated so most of the top billings are relegated to just voice acting…So, in general, you get what you’d expect out of the people they cast. Brandy is Brandy; Chris Rock is Chris Rock, etc. Which is okay I suppose, they got where they are by being the people they’re playing (wow, say that sentence 3 times fast). Really, the only truly shining star is Laurence Fishburne’s performance as the evil virus. Larry (as those of us who would like to pretend we’re his friends refer to him) actually has an incredible range as an actor and, so far as I’m concerned, if you didn’t know it was him from the credits you’d never figure it out. Groovy, hip, and psychotic- if you’re going to have a little bug kill you horribly…you should hope it’s as cool him. 3 out of 5

      Action: For a movie about the war between viruses and blood cells, there’s surprisingly little combat in Osmosis Jones. Primarily, it’s a bit of missed shooting or some light pimp slapping. However, when you get down to the 1 or 2 actual fight scenes you’ll be truly entertained. Well drawn and good flowing fights make it as entertaining as any other Hollywood action flick and the inclusion of some "character specific" techniques (like cells dividing to dodge) really put it over the top. What’s more, it’s rife with references to pop media including The Matrix, Terminator, Aliens, etc., which is very cool. 3.5 out of 5

      Visuals and Directing: All in all, I really liked the look of the movie. The animation was cool, the shots and scene set-ups were appropriate and smooth, and the animation and live action segments meshed together pretty darn well (which is really tough to pull off). Especially cool was a series of shots that exist with the cartoon micro-cell characters on the surface of a filmed person. That being said, however, the movie was gross. Damned gross. Gross like I really didn’t want to watch any more. Exploding zits on an incredibly magnified form, projectile vomiting, puss, snot, tons of mucus, and fungus all topped a list of simple humor that will probably make a lot of 10 year olds laugh but just made me feel dirty. 4 out of 5

      Sound Track: As with most movies now a-days, Osmosis is pushing a CD sound track. That, in and of itself is fine I suppose, the problem though is that you’re stuck having it shoved in your face the entire movie. Gratuitous driving, club, and scenery sequences designed exclusively to highlight the music really annoy me, and by the time I reach the "Amoebae Kid Rock" concert scene (yes, you have to watch an animated Kid Rock in concert for a good 3 minutes) I was ready to poop fling my own slimy cell matter on to the screen. It left me angry. On the plus side, though, there are a lot of classic songs re-mixed and mastered to fit the hip-hop tone of the film. 3 out of 5

      Value vs. Admission: Like a lot of movies lately, I sat for two hours to be entertained for about ten minutes…But at least it didn’t make me angry. I took a couple of my little (8-10 year old) cousins with me and it fit that role of a movie they really enjoyed and I found tolerable. Can’t imagine why it would be worth full price, but you probably won’t feel ripped off if you see it matinee. 2 out of 5

      The Verdict:

All in all, Osmosis Jones is a series of disgusting and juvenile biology jokes filtered through an hour and a half of some entertaining, but not inspiring, animation. I didn’t hate it, which is good…but I certainly didn’t love it either.

      The Good: Cool animation and great fight scenes.

      The Bad: A simple plot stretched over a mediocre movie. Oh yeah, and it made me want to vomit. That’s always bad.

      The Overall Ugly: Fun, but not anything you need to see.

      What it's Worth: A couple of bucks if you need to see a movie and nothing else is playing.