" The patron saint of the $3.99 direct-to-video kick in the nuts! "

      Title: Brotherhood 2: Young Warlocks by Rapid Heart Productions

      Format: DVD-Horror?

      Reviewing Monkey: EEGAH!

      The Hype: The "Brotherhood" series is another entry in isolated trend of horror films striving to turn the male dominated genre on its ear. Never mind that it's a revolution of one and that they're exclusive to only one video chain. Still, some of the best horror flicks are the ones that shirk convention or are just so bad that you can't help but be entertained. And it's in that theory that "Brotherhood" blazed its own trail. Unlike almost any other, with Brotherhood imagine if you will the worst piece of shit movie you've seen in your life. Now multiply that by google and you're getting there.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Story and Acting: Set in an upscale private school the story focuses on three rather anti-dimensional misfits, John, Marcus, and Matt who act aloof to their popular persecutors whilst secretly coveting their in-crowd status. That is until mysterious new kid Luc, an equally disaffected and boring stereotype, drops in and takes them under his wing with promises of power, prestige, and flagrant homosexuality. You see, Luc is actually, get this…. a Warlock! Yeah, evidently his game is to go from school to school taking on charity cases like John and his dork friends for an aim which the writer and director were apparently unconcerned with.
           Pretty soon John and his friends are breaking every commandment on their way to unbridled power. All the while Luc is reaping the rewards of their efforts…which again aren't clearly explained. John, the protagonist, manages to keep his hands relatively clean by not indulging in some of the more reckless activities of his pals. This is a device used by the writer to keep the viewer on the side of his main character, except that most writers are more adept at it or couple it with even the faintest hint of subtlety.
          Not surprisingly he instead spends his time sniffing around the most popular chick in school and this weakness leads to more wacky hijinx as Luc uses her as a bargaining tool to ensure John's obedience. The issue here is that she's barely been in the film up to this point and so it doesn't really have impact except that it sets up the predictable final showdown between John and Luc.
           In the midst of the "story" I've outlined above we have gratuitous shirtless football tossing, guys rubbing their chests, an inept seduction of the school sexpot, a theology teacher who turns out to be something more than a teacher, and yet more guys touching themselves. In the end the only originality this movie possesses is in its unapologetically stupid ending. That for all of the murder and mayhem our characters have committed throughout the film they face no repercussions for their actions and all walk away arm-in-arm.
          Hope I didn't spoil it for you. However, if you rent "Brotherhood 2" after reading this review I think you'll find that me ruining the ending is the least of your problems. 0 out 5

      Action: None to speak of. That is except for one fight scene at the climax of the film, which showcases the talents of the worst foley artist in the world. 0 out of 5

      Visuals and Directing: David DeCoteau is mercifully spared the ravages of talent, as "B2" will undoubtedly attest. The actors certainly aren't without blame but they're left to flounder onscreen with seemingly little or no guidance. Mr. DeCoteau's directing technique probably has more to do with being a buddy to his cast than being their boss. Furthermore, he has an overwhelming amount of pretension about the medium in which he works. He refers to the very staple of Z-grade horror, nudity, as "cheap exploitation". "I don't want to insult the women with too much misogyny or overemphasis on the female form" he is quoted as saying in an interview then goes on to admit that if a project was turned down for a lack of nudity he'd change his tune.
          Not to put too fine a point on it but I would go so far as to say that your audience doesn't even know how to spell misogyny let alone tell you what it means. Here's a note for Mr. DeCoteau: Women make up the minority of the demographic you're pandering to and the ones who do indulge in your unique brand of swill know full well what they're getting into.
          If you were to ask me, I would tell you that his characterizations of women in general are far more insulting than any amount of gratuitous nudity he might require of them. If this movie is any indication of any of his other films then we (not me anyway) can look forward to plenty more female characters playing the consummate victim who are too lifeless and uninteresting for the male characters of the film to bother paying too much attention to.
          To combat what he perceives as the exploitative nature of no budget horror he's decided to present us with an inverse and equally exploitive alternative. That is to say a "homoerotically" charged environment stating that "it helps sales". Wrong again Davey boy. I'll clue you in to the mindset of the people you are making movies for: We rent junk like yours for a cheap thrill be it gore or senseless nudity of the female variety, not for a bunch of guys pawing all over one another in a fashion that we're used to seeing only silicone stuffed Barbie dolls do on the Playboy channel. Hell, if we were looking for true intelligent horror we'd rent a video with a description that's longer than a sentence!
           Well, what can you expect coming from a guy who started his illustrious career in the craft service business? A most emphatic 0 out of 5!

      Sound Track: I vaguely remember a pseudo-industrial score. No real songs to speak of. Not surprising, really, being that the going rate for soundtrack contributions is 20k and I'll just bet that this whole film was brought in at well under that figure. Oh look, 0 out of 5

      DVD Extras: As if extra features would somehow make this a worthwhile venture. Regardless, there aren't any. 0 out of 5

      Value vs. Price: If you paid for Brotherhood 2 with rabbit droppings I'd still say you got burned. 0 out of 5

      The Verdict:

Gamemonkey score: 1/2 out of 5 (because there is no graphic for 0 out of 5). The score in a perfect world: -1,000,000,000 out of 5. The plot is so thin and transparent it makes toilet paper look like a wool sweater by comparison, the acting comes off as if someone were mouthing their lines to them off camera, and a script that was either taken at face value or bypassed revisions altogether. David DeCoteau you are the patron saint of the $3.99 direct-to-video kick in the nuts!

      The Good: If you saw what I saw and then had the nerve to ask me that question in person I'd punch you in the face!

      The Bad: The limitations of Gamemonkeys ratings system the fact that David DeCoteau uses a plethora of pseudonyms so you might just end up renting one of this asshole's movies by accident. Case in point: Dungapult when he rented "Voodoo Academy".

      The Overall Ugly: I've had viral infections that were preferable to this.

      What it's Worth: No one can put a price tag on suffering.