" Punch anyone who suggests you watch it. "

      Title: Bad Company by Buena Vista Home Entertainment

      Format: Buddy Action Flick

      Reviewing Monkey: Our Ape Masters

      The Hype: It worked for Murphy and Nolte, it worked for De Niro and Grodin, it kinda sorta worked for Robbins and Lawrence- and now Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins want to give the buddy comedy a row. But does it work? Read on, my monkeys. Read on.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Story and Acting: It's hard to bring a mismatched pair of characters together and create a believable story. How hard? Well, too hard for Bad Company's crew- that's for sure. The premise is simple enough: Kevin Pope (Rock), international CIA spy extraordinaire, is assassinated while on assignment buying a nuke from some black market smugglers and so his boss (Hopkins) has no choice but to go shanghai his separated at birth identical twin brother (also, shockingly, played by Rock) and turn him from street wise hustler to international spy extraordinaire in a mere 7 days. Much hilarity ensues.
          Or, at least, they wished much hilarity ensued. In truth what ensues could most accurately be described as painfully ridiculously. The streetwise brother of course ends up being a better spy in 7 days than everyone around him has been able to become in a lifetime's worth of work and, as if that wasn't enough, also develops a sense of both patriotism and responsibility and, of course, saves the world. It's kind of like it's a wonderful life if Jimmy Stewart would have been the love child of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Snoop Dogg. Plus, as if all that trite melodrama isn't enough for you, Bad Company also manages to completely miss the humor mark entirely- with a script that tries really hard to be funny but succeeds in simply being very trying…And manages to make both Rock, who is on the rise with his own acting talents, and Hopkins, who is "Sir Anthony Hopkins"- 'nuff said, look like some kind of 2D rank amateurs drawn from the local community college acting pools. Dear god is it ugly. 1 out of 5

      Action: One of the few things that pleasantly surprised me in Bad Company was the action. Certainly there is an above average share of bad guy ineptness, but in general the action manages to be both realistic and entertaining. In a trend I wholly attribute to Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down, Hollywood is actually starting to acknowledge the precision shooter vs. the "spray and prayer" and does a great job of giving you the professional against the armed-but-only-barely-dangerous terrorist feel. All in all, not bad. 3.75 out of 5

      Visuals and Directing: In a word: "Ugh". Definitely subscribing to one to many MTV stereotypes, the schmucks that put this flick together were definitely relying on a "pop" feel and their lead actors to carry this movie- and since both the script and the acting fall dead you end up with plenty of time to realize exactly how badly shot and edited this flick is. 2 out of 5

      DVD Extras: It's often been debated about how many extras it takes to save a bad movie…and this DVD will certainly not answer it. Why? Because there is only one extra, a behind the scenes featurette, which if you really feel like watching may enhance your experience by whole pennies on the dollar. 2 out of 5

      Value vs. Price: Well, let's see…it's a bad movie with no features. I'd say the value is not so good. 2 out of 5

      The Verdict:

I was stoked when this flick came in. I'm both a Chris Rock and an Anthony Hopkins fan and thought they would be, pardon the expression, like that wonderful peanut butter cup candy: two great tastes that taste great together. And while, truthfully, I still hold out hope for that to someday be the case, it ends up being impossible to tell from this movie- which gets caught in your throat and chokes you to death before you can even catch a taste.

      The Good: I liked the way people got shot.

      The Bad: I spent two hours wishing I was one of them.

      The Overall Ugly: Yup. Ugly. That sums it up in a word.

      What it's Worth: Punching anyone who suggests you watch it.