" Not even worth a rental. Do Blockbuster a favor and break their copy, too. "

      Title: Asunder by Dimension Home Video

      Format: Suspense DVD

      Reviewing Monkey: Genghis Kong

      The Hype: "Asunder sizzles with passion, deception, and suspense!" says the back of the DVD case, and Monkeys, that's all the hype the movie gets. Come see Blair Underwood in a movie no one ever heard of with actors you never heard of doing things you've heard of.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Story and Acting: Chance (Underwood) loses his wife and unborn child in a freak carnival ride accident (I shit you not) and stays for a time with his best friend Michael (Michael Beach--you don't know the guy) and Michael's wife Lauren (Debbi Morgan, who you also don't know). Unbeknownst to Michael, Chance and Lauren had a brief affair not long ago, during which Lauren became pregnant and had an abortion because she didn't know if the father was Chance or Michael. Lauren and Michael's marriage is on the rocks due to an affair Michael had that Lauren found out about, as well as Lauren's feelings of guilt over her affair with Chance. And you find out all of this about that fast, with the plot and dialogue snapping off at you in hurried bursts between long bouts of nothing. Chance goes insane and decides he's in love with Lauren, and when she finds out she's pregnant again, he decides it's his dead child given a second chance, and leaps into a psychotic routine of stalking Lauren and plotting Michael's (his former best friend) death. Right. Did I mention that all of this happens within weeks of his wife dying? Other than Blair Underwood, the acting is fairly bland and unremarkable, and the plot just sort of drags on and on toward a truly predictable ending. This movie is horribly B-grade in those respects, and seems to have just barely skirted "made for TV" status by virtue of its lead (not that Blair Underwood is an A-list celebrity) and its target audience, as it aspires to be the African-American Fatal Attraction. 1 out of 5.

      Visuals and Directing: Asunder is paced extremely poorly and seems to have been directed by a soap opera fan. This is a suspense thriller, so there aren't any fantastic special effects save for two falling sequences, which are utter tripe. The footage is extremely fake; a poorly cut image of the person falling against a zoom in of the ground or a zoom out of the point of origin. Jaws looked more real at the Universal Studios tour. The movie is filled with random quick-cut scenes of Chance giving "insanity" monologues (either to himself or to Lauren), where the dialogue is continuous but the scenes keep cutting from frame to frame in different angles and slightly altered locations. The effects are elementary at best, the pacing is ridiculously slow, and the ending is horribly choreographed… Alan Smithee wouldn't put his name on this. 1 out of 5.

      DVD Extras: There are no extras on this DVD. No deleted scenes, no commentary, no behind the scenes footage, no actor bios. Nothing. So, you know… if you actually liked the movie, there's nothing extra included, and if you didn't like the movie, then you'll really dislike it when you realize they didn't take advantage of the DVD format whatsoever. 0 out of 5.

      Value vs. Price: Apparently this DVD retails at $29.99, which is exactly $35 dollars more than I'd pay for it. Since you're really only buying the movie, and it's not even a good movie, I'd say that there is no value involved whatsoever, not even in a rental.

      The Verdict:

So this movie was bad. That's unfortunate and disappointing, I know, but there is an up side. You read this review, and it prevented you from buying the DVD, didn't it? If it did, then pat yourself on the back and go read some more reviews, and if it didn't, well… you'll learn. They all do.

      The Good: I didn't have to buy the damn thing first to find out it was this bad.

      The Bad: Everything other than the above.

      The Overall Ugly: Blair Underwood is better than this and I think that alone tells you how bad this movie is.

      What it's Worth: Not even a rental. Do Blockbuster a favor and break their copy, too.