"No. Just no. I guess if you REALLY need a new FPS for your N64 and everything else is gone…No, even then don’t bother. "

   Title: Armorines by Akklaim

   Format: N64

   Reviewing Monkey: Dungapult

   The Hype: Yippe, yippay, another Doom clone. No, wait…You can jump and duck in this one…Better call it a Quake clone. I would say more but, frankly, there is nothing more too it. Okay, how about "A Quake clone with bugs."

      What This Monkey Thought...

   Graphics: At first I thought the graphics would be keen. The screen shots on the box look pretty and it claims to make good use of a memory card. The reality, however, is very mid-to-lower class. Blocky, heavily pixalized models will definitely leave you flatter than a opossum road pizza. Dark, undynamic scenery obscures everything from decent view (definitely Acclaim’s way of trying to hide their dismal background rendering efforts). And worst of all, the almost non-existent character animations make you feel like you’re back playing the original Doom. However, lumping Armorines with Doom definitely leaves me owing Id an apology. 2 out of 5

   Sound: The sound effects were every bit as stodgy and were probably done on a kid’s synthesizer. 2 out of 5

   Game Play: First off, I have to admit I am somewhat biased…The first person shooter (FPS) genre has never been easy to translate to a console system. The controls are hard to work, the motion is never as clean, and the options are so much more limited. Even so, this game falls behind the pack with a glorious, resounding "THUD". To start with, the controls are some of the sloppiest and least responsive I’ve ever played with (and that’s saying a lot). The motion is blocky, uneven, and like trying to move in molasses. And, as if that wasn’t enough, most of the baddies do crap like jump over you and juke constantly…So even if you can get a bead on them with the piss poor handling you had better make the first shot count, or else you can look forward to enduring an eternity of slosh turning to try and find them again. Beyond the actual engine itself we find completely unoriginal and uninteresting weapons options, unimpressive mission objectives, and the SAME DAMNED JUMPING AND MAZE PUZZLE SOLVING as every other low budget FPS to hit market in the last half-decade. 1 out of 5

   Level and Environment Designs: Unoriginal, unartfully rendered, and trite. 1 out of 5

   Multiplayer: Well, I have to grudgingly give some points for this because there are several multiplayer options. You can play coop with one other person or do deathmatches, capture the flag, etc., with up to 4. The actual functionality of each is somewhat in question, though. 3 out of 5

   Replayability: There is ABSOLUTELY no replayability to this what so ever so it still only ranks in at a 2. Hell, as far as replayability goes, it’s so bad I didn’t even bother to finish it the first time through (much less to want to play it again) so that should tell you something. 1 out of 5

   Story/Dramatics: Heh. Technically, there is a story. It’s told to you in horrifically lame text scrolls and is wrought with such originality as "The Earth is in danger. You must protect it!" 2 out of 5

   Instructions and Learning Curve: I guess if Armorines is going to shine anywhere it would be here. The instructions weren’t awful (there were few spelling errors) and they did tell me how to play the game. 3 out of 5

   Installation and Real System Requirements: It ran okay on my N64 (though it was awfully laggy- even with the memory expansion pack). 2 out of 5

   The Verdict:

       No. Just no. I guess if you REALLY need a new FPS for your N64 and everything else is gone…No, even then don’t bother.

   The Good: It didn’t make vain attempts to turn me on by making seductively animated pixels. No wait, that would have been an improvement.

   The Bad: : Everything from the graphics to the gameplay.

   The Overall Ugly: This game sucks dung. Don’t bother.

   What it's Worth: Not even worth a rental.