" Oh my God, they killed Yakumo! You bas… Oh wait, he’s getting up. Never mind, he’s okay! "

      Title: 3X3 Eyes: Perfect Collection – from Streamline/Orion

      Format: Anime VHS

      Reviewing Monkey: Chimpan-A

      The Hype: Join the supernatural adventures of the Sanjiyan, and her whipping boy. Based on a comic series. By the way, the title is pronounced "sazan eyes".

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Animation: The animation wasn’t too bad. It got a little fuzzy at times, but mostly it was fairly clear. The style is reminiscent of Ranma ½….Meaning that the faces are more compact, with large foreheads (all the better for showing off that snazzy third eye, eh?). One of the things that bothered me was the eyes of the hero. They literally looked like this ^^ throughout the majority of the movie. When he was mad, or really surprised, he suddenly grew eyes, like some kind of Japanese French Stewart. It doesn’t really detract from the picture, unless that kind of thing bugs you like it does me. 3.5 out of 5

      Action: Okay, I’m afraid I’m going to have to spoil it. The main hero, Yakumo, he dies. About 10 times by this reviewers count. The action is pretty fun here. After all, you get to see your hero run over by the ‘Narlboro’ bus, shot to death, and chomped, slashed, and gored by a great many demonic adversaries, ah, the wonders of immortality. This video is a collection of around four episodes in a series. As such, the action tends to build and fall in quick succession. There are a bunch of cool scenes though, and the time in between doesn’t drag too much. Just go into this thinking a bunch of episodes rather than one cohesive movie, and you’ll be fine. 4 out of 5

      Story: As mentioned above, this is a collection of episodes. Basically the story revolves around Yakumo and Pai. Pai is the last of a dying breed called the Sanjiyan. The Sanjiyan are immortal, but they’ve been breeding with humans because they simply can’t take one more verse of "The song that never ends". Pai’s dream is to become a human, apparently because "we all dat". Over the course of the first five minutes of the movie, we establish all of this, and kill Yakumo for the first time. Pai swallows his soul, and Yakumo becomes the indestructible, highly killable machine that he is. From there the quest to find the "Statue of Humanity" (I’m not even going to try spelling it’s proper name), an artifact which will realize Pai’s dream, begins. The episodic nature of the video leaves much to be desired in story telling. The video ends up having a very circular feel as we progress through a plot and then end up back at the beginning, only to start the whole thing over again. A lot of elements either never get explained, or get explained and then fizzle away like so many notes in the wind. The second episode features Random Frog Demon Guy, #465. We never get an explanation of who, or what he is. We only barely learn his motivation, and he’s dead by the end of the episode. There are several weird threads that simply go unexplained. Such as, would anybody care to explain why Yakumo works as a transvestite? And calls the head Drag Queen "Mother"? Don’t ask me, because they don’t explain it here. The story is pretty good, within the episodes. The overall plot takes an interesting course as Yakumo accepts his fate and Pai explores her feelings for humans. 3 out of 5

      Music: Generally the music is great. It evokes all the right feelings, stays at just the right level. As I sat there watching it, the background music for a scene was bugging me. I knew that music. Apparently, somebody went and raided the Braveheart soundtrack for inspiration, because this music is a dead ringer. I won’t try to play the 'which came first' game here. All I’m going to say is there were scenes where I expected a Scottish clan to come out of one of the buildings, declare their freedom, and then kill Yakumo. He gets killed a lot. I like the music; it’s just the similarity that gets me. 4 out of 5

      Translation: There were a few phrases that seemed awkward to me ("We’re like a gang who get off on each other." Some weird looks went about the room for that one). The lip synch seemed a little bit off on a few scenes, but generally the speech was up to par. No major problems here. 3.5 out of 5

      Rewatchability: Hell, the viewing monkeys must have watched the Narlboro bus run over Yakumo at least a couple of times. It’s just so wrong! You can’t look away! As for the whole movie? If you come into it expecting an actual movie, then the episodes (which mesh into each other, with no breaks in between) end up making the movie seem twice as long as it really is (110 minute run time). The story is kind of cool, but not really worth coming back to a bunch of times. Plus the end of the video (which is a bit of a cliffhanger) leaves you feeling unfulfilled. 2.5 out of 5

      The Verdict:

Oh my God, they killed Yakumo! You bas… Oh wait, he’s getting up. Never mind, he’s okay! The movie has some really fun moments, and some cool sequences. Still, it’s got an unraveled plot and a weird circular feeling to it. I say watch it once, and laugh with your friends about how Sanjiyan uses magic by telling people to "Rock On". Then, let it go.

      The Good: Some cool action sequences. How many movies get to kill the hero in several gruesome fashions?

      The Bad: Several missing plot points, episodic structure in a movie. The movie ends every thirty minutes.

      The Overall Ugly: Did I mention the guy works as a transvestite? This is not a pretty sight people. Still the movie is worth a look-see. It’s just not the best thing out there.

      What it's Worth: Rental