" Save your money for bigger and better. "

      Title: Star Trek: Voyager Card Game by Decipher

      Format: Uber-Geek CCG

      Reviewing Monkey: Chimpan-A

      The Hype: I know you've all been drooling for it. Hoping, praying, sacrificing puppies to your dark gods for their infernal favors… All for the hope of a glimmer of a chance of obtaining… Jeri Ryan… Well, I've got the next best thing after the internet, TV re-runs, a continued acting career, or a net and some chloroform… The Star Trek: Voyager card game! That's right, now you can live the adventure through slapping cards on a table. All your favorite characters are here: Neelix, Tom Paris, 7 of 9! All right, enough of that. Review time.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Playability: Essentially this game attempts to make you feel like a member of the cast by having you complete "missions". Honestly, it feels like a cheap mechanic. The instructions explain it to a certain degree, but not enough to remove the initial confusion anybody trying to play this game is going to experience. I definitely recommend that both players read the instructions thoroughly on their own before trying to play. Of course, actually finding somebody to play this with you is probably the hardest part of playing this game. As though playing collectible card games wasn't ostracizing enough, this game is a dork among geeks. The mechanics of the game are clunky at best, with overly complicated requirements (You need the right attribute to go on the right mission assuming the events don't cancel the attributes you need for your mission). 2 out of 5

      Aesthetics: These cards are boring… I mean, look we all ready know that the inventors of the leotard uniform don't have a whole lot of style, but that doesn't mean their cards need to suck too. The back of the cards is a plain black background with the Star Trek symbol on it (You know, the comm patch everyone wears…). The borders of the cards consist of a plain blue bar with whatever of the incredibly large number of random symbols the card needs to display (meaning that the game has a large collection of symbols, not necessarily the card itself). Most of the cards consist of pictures of various cast or action shots. Cast members range from the aforementioned mainstays to some of the rarer appearances. Various alien folks and even an ultra rare picture of the Rock in his Voyager cameo (who knew a cameo as a gladiator on Voyager would springboard a career that spanned… Run Down?). All in all, the cards are about as boring to look at as the game is to play. 2 out of 5

      Balance: The game is about as balanced as they get. Whoever gets the right cards wins the game. There's a certain amount of strategy inherent in choosing the correct missions to play so that you can get the most benefit. All in all, there's not much to gripe about here, and that's so disappointing, I'm just going to move on. 4 out of 5

      Value vs. Cost: Before you go and buy this card game, go to your friends. Say to your friends: "I'm thinking of buying the Voyager CCG, would you guys play it with me?" Once they're done beating you with a quarter filled sock, ask yourself if you'd like to face that reaction every time you look for a game. The starter pack comes with enough cards for one person, really, so you'll need two packs at least. You're already getting into the 'not worth it' price range. In all honesty, it's not particularly worth it to buy this at all. 2 out of 5

      The Verdict:

All right. The game isn't as bad as I paint it here, but it's by no means a particularly fun game to play. Save your money for bigger and better.

      The Good: Pictures from Voyager? That's really the best I've got… seriously.

      The Bad: Incredibly boring and not at all fun.

      The Overall Ugly: When Dungapult handed me this game to review, I told him he'd have to play it with me… He laughed in my face. Expect the same reaction from your friends.

      What it's Worth: Five bucks and a laugh.