" What we have here is a game that jimmies open your mouth, sticks a funnel in there, and then proceeds to cram enemies down your throat until you are choking on the corpses. "

      Title: Serious Sam by Croteam

      Format: First Person Shooter for the X-Box

      Reviewing Monkey: Chimpan-A

      The Hype: It's won all kinds of awards on the PC. Don't you wish you could play it too, with your shiny green x-box? Well now you can! The action is fast, furious, and out of control. Now sit back, as I pummel you with this review.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Graphics: Serious Sam carries a very quaint cartoonish style. It's appealing to the eyes, and really fits well into the less than serious gameplay. It almost comes off as cel shaded (everybody's favorite new toy), but holds more colors than that. The characters all looks fine, although I have a problem with Sam's arms, they're a little too short for his body size. He looks like he's got a couple of six year old's arms sewn onto his body. The other character models vary from creepy to funny depending on their purpose. It's always funny to see this shirtless, headless dude come running straight for you. And watching a horde of necro dogs (they look like Terror-bull skeletons) come charging and leap past you is really creepy at times. The environments, like the rest of the game, are lush and colorful. Most of the levels are quite well built, with only a few being truly confusing. The game takes place in Egypt, so you'll probably be damn tired of sand before you're done here….but it's the enemies you came to look at anyway, and they look more than cool enough. 4 out of 5

      Playability: Once more, the X-Box proves it is the console for shooters. The controls are smooth, easy, and work well- with the single player game allowing for auto aiming at enemies, thus compensating for the lack of accuracy in a controller. Anyway, here's the low down on the game- you play Sam, your all around ass kicker/gun slinger in the tradition of a certain Duke we all know and love. There's actually a plot here, but it's a bout as thick as rice paper, and serves more as wallpaper for your gaming room than anything else. Essentially, aliens invade the world. To stop them, you have to go back in time and destroy them back when they first appeared.
          Now for those of you used to more traditional shooters, you may be accustomed to a game that gives you, maybe four or five enemies at a time. Serious Sam is all about the quantity. It's entirely typical to enter a room and be confronted with fifty enemies to destroy, of varying types and abilities, almost all shooting at you. So much so, in fact, that it's down right gross at times. Some of the level bosses have you facing literally hundreds of enemies. The thing is... that's where the fun comes in. There's a vast array of weapons at your disposal. Things from Grenade Launchers to Laser Cannons (That'll have you screaming "Good Shot kid, now don't get cocky!"). All of these will turn you into the unmitigated dealer of death that you were meant to be…so much so, in fact, that you will probably have a sincere sense of accomplishment when you're done; not for the difficulty of it necessarily, just the sheer body count. The main problem is that this is all the game really has to offer. Other than this, it's pretty much a standard FPS fare. And if running around blasting a literal horde of enemies doesn't appeal to you- then this game will bore the living hell out of you. After a while, the endless streams of enemies can begin to wear thin on even the most diehard fans. 3.5 out of 5

      Multiplayer and Replayability: Here the game sort of falters. There are only two multiplayer modes, a four-player deathmatch and a cooperative mode. Now granted, cooperative is plenty of fun, though it does ramp down the difficulty somewhat. You can have friendly fire on or off. Of course, if you're playing with a retarded little monkey like Dungapult who's not smart enough to understand big words like "cooperative" the setting has no real bearing on whether or not you're going to get shot at. Death Matching is standard, although some of the games weapons lend a bit of fun. All in all, it's nothing to really take away from games like Halo. Maybe if they'd included an extra mode or two it might have been more fun. As far as replayability, there are plenty of secrets, but they're all in missions. Very little is unlocked through playing this game, and it's fairly unnecessary to ever play the game through a second time. With relatively boring multiplayer, the game suffers in this department. The most likely use will be to replay levels filled with enemies and experience once more the feeling of being a lean mean slaughter machine. 2.5 out of 5

      The Verdict:

What we have here is a game that jimmies open your mouth, sticks a funnel in there, and then proceeds to cram enemies down your throat until you are choking on the corpses. From beginning to end, no matter how much death you bring, there are always fifty more guys waiting for a little more. This gives an incredible feeling of power to the man behind the control stick, but it can get a little tedious after long enough. It looks good and is certainly fun, but there's not much more than enemies to this game- and that's a shame.

      The Good: Awesome battles, a plethora of death dealin' weapons.

      The Bad: Otherwise, there's just not much here. It's just a shooter.

      The Overall Ugly: Dude… headless screaming guys. In packs of fifty. Who explode when they get next to you. Nice.

      What it's Worth: A rental or two, at the least.