" It's dark, it's funny, and it is exactly what it promises- enough chaos and violence to make Hitler go, 'Jesus…you guys should back off a bit.' "
Title: Postal 2 by Running with Scissors
Format: PC Carnage
Reviewing Monkey: Dungapult
The Hype: What was arguably the most violent video game of all time, Postal, makes it's return to the PC with this unforgiving and unrepentant sequel. But does it have the what it takes to beat out amazingly violent classics like State of Emergency and Grand Theft Auto? Honestly, I don't know…I closed my eyes after the first 35 seconds of play.
What This Monkey Thought...
Graphics: Surprisingly enough, the graphics in Postal 2 really aren't bad. I say surprisingly because you often expect what is really a gimmick game to rely exclusively on that gimmick and not deliver further…but Postal 2 really does. The modes are all smooth and well rendered (if not a bit overly lanky), the faces are down right fantastic, and the environments are vast and lush…including one of the prettiest skies I've seen in a game lately. They also go the extra mile for gore as well, including a wonderfully vivid 3rd degree burn skin (for when you burn the shit out of someone), dynamic flow physics (so gas, vomit, and blood all run down hills and around corners), and some nifty effects to make sure you get the most out of your killing. 4 out of 5
Playability: Um…wow. No, really…I mean,
damned…wow. Postal 2 is, hands down, the most violent, brash, offensive, and
destructive game I've ever played. Hands down. Fortunately, it's also a whole
helluva lot of fun…which makes it worth a sadistic play. But before I get into
the what's and why's, let's get the essentials out of the way first. Postal
2 is, basically, a standard FPS. You run around, site on your targets, and make
them dead. The levels are huge and detailed, and the AI is well above average
for games in the genre. It is, also, absolutely not for minors. I don't care
where you fall on the whole "violence in videogames" issue, this one ain't for
the kiddies. Now, that being said, rather than explain more about how Postal
2 plays…I thought I'd just take you through a typical day in the city. Here's
one of my experiences:
So I'm on my way to get Gary Colman's autograph (yes, Gary Colman's in the game) when I accidentally run into a guy dressed like a priest walking the other direction. I murmur excuse me and move to walk around him when he tells me to "watch it" and calls me an "A-Hole". This, naturally, irritates me a bit and so I respond in the most appropriate way possible…I pull out a shovel and start beating him until he collapses into a fetal position and begs for mercy.
Now, you'd think that'd be enough, but I had this whole "Catholic" thing when I was a kid, so I keep beating him and beating him until eventually his body goes limp and his head pops off like a spring dandelion and bounces down the street. This makes me giggle and so I chase the head, hitting it with my shovel like some kind of deranged polo player…watching it ricochet off walls and smack into other pedestrians. At this point some woman sees me playing whack-a-mole with a priests head, screams at the top of her lungs, and then starts vomiting in the center of the road.
Now, not being a total ass, I decide I'll give her a hand...by unzipping my pants and urinating on her. This makes her choke and sputter and vomit some more…which gives me the perfect opportunity to pull out a can of gasoline and light her on fire. Once a blaze, she runs around screaming, also lighting up any other people she happens to run into…before finally being covered in 3rd degree burns and collapsing onto the street begging for mercy. Showing my sensitive humanitarian side, I piss on her again to put her flames out.
At this point, the cops show up. Or, rather, a single cop shows up…and not wanting to be collared, I put my gun away and act like part of the screaming masses. Fortunately for me, one of the other civilians who saw me off the priest and the girl is armed and starts shooting me anyway. The cop, who doesn't know what's going on, immediately turns his attention on the other civilian (since he is armed and I am not) and, while they shoot it out, I sneak up behind them both, pull out my shotgun, shove a live cat on the end of the barrel to act as a silencer, and off them both.
And that, I think, sums up Postal 2 way better than anything else I could have said. If that sounds entertaining, then you'll love the gameplay (because it only gets worse from there). If it sounds appealing, seek serious professional help. If it doesn't do either for you, steer clear. 3.75 out of 5
Story and Drama: You ready for this? The story for Postal 2, simply enough, is that you are having a bad week. That's it. End of synopsis. You, while on the road to fulfilling numerous daily chores (like getting milk and cashing your paycheck) will encounter various people- some of whom don't like you, some of whom will annoy you, all of whom you can kill…and it's up to you as to who and how much you want to render chaos. 2 out of 5
Multiplayer and Replayability: Sadly, there is no multiplayer in Postal 2 (and I can't, for the life of me, figure out why…because a co-op mode would have been amazing!) but at least the random nature of the violence will keep you playing until you get bored of such things. 3 out of 5
|More than just another FPS, Postal 2 has set its sights on making the most offensive and violent game of all time…and they hit the mark admirably. It's dark, it's funny, and it is exactly what it promises- enough chaos and violence to make Hitler go, "Jesus…you guys should back off a bit."|
The Good: Nice graphics, lots of carnage, lots of humor, and a good time (if you like such things).
The Bad: No multiplayer, and could have used more weapons.
The Overall Ugly: If there isn't something in this game that crosses your line do us all a favor and commit yourself now.
What it's Worth: Market