" If someone tries to give it to you punch them in the throat until they stop breathing and then urinate on them. "

      Title: Invincible by Mirimax Entertainment

      Format: DVD Martial Arts flick

      Reviewing Monkey: Dungapult

      The Hype: When the Matrix came out the market was suddenly slugged with dozens of Matrix knock offs. When Mortal Kombat came out, the same occurred. But here, for the first time, we have a movie that combines the two into one epic level knock off. Yipee.

      What This Monkey Thought...

      Story and Acting: Truthfully, compare this flick to the Matrix is probably going to far, and I only did it because Mirimax does on the box. In all honesty the only thing this flick borrows from that series is the heavy wire works martial arts and the overbearing sense of philosophy. So, when we take the Matrix away, we're left with a movie that just knocks off Mortal Kombat…and we all know how great a start that is.
          The plot, simply enough, is that there are these things called "Shadowmen" who are some kind of weird demony alien dudes (it's never explained) who want to destroy the world so they can return to the void. Trying to stop them is a character named Os (played by Billy Zane) and his chosen band of random misfits. Recruited mere days before the apocalypse is set to occur, the Chosen (sic) are various kids from different walks of life, each with personal demons, who don't get a long but will come together to try and trump the destruction of the planet.
          Why all this is occurring, and why these five schlubs are the Chosen, is not only never explained, but it's never even hinted at. Nor is any inference as to where the Shadowmen may have come from, why they are at war with the never defined forces of good, or how huge Billy Zane's mortgage payment must be to take on a shit flick like this. But the good news is you won't care because this painfully trite and derivative plot is so hokey and overdone that your brain will involuntarily shut off 20 minutes into the film. Making matters worse is the painfully inept acting by the entire crew, save Zane (who actually does quite well with what he's given), who clearly have no better understanding of their characters and motivation than the writers likely had about the story itself.
          Why all this is occurring, and why these five schlubs are the Chosen, is not only never explained, but it's never even hinted at. Nor is any inference as to where the Shadowmen may have come from, why they are at war with the never defined forces of good, or how huge Billy Zane's mortgage payment must be to take on a shit flick like this. But the good news is you won't care because this painfully trite and derivative plot is so hokey and overdone that your brain will involuntarily shut off 20 minutes into the film. Making matters worse is the painfully inept acting by the entire crew, save Zane (who actually does quite well with what he's given), who clearly have no better understanding of their characters and motivation than the writers likely had about the story itself.

      Visuals and Directing: Blame where blame is due-this is arguably the worst directed film I've ever seen. The fight scenes, what could have been the one saving grace from this pile of ass, are down right lame in choreography (often borrowing, it seems, from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers school of pomp and circumstance) and butchered in editing, the lighting and costume design is junior high-esque, and the premise and story are presented to us in such a fashion that there's no possible way to sort it out. 0 out of 5

      DVD Extras: It never fails…the worse a movie is, and the more they charge for it, the less they give you. Granted, this was a movie originally made by the "super station" TBS, the some total of extras Invincible gives you are surround sound, letterbox aspect ratio, and a Spanish language track. That's too pathetic to even insult. 0 out of 5

      Value vs. Price: Thirty dollars? THIRTY DOLLARS? For an ass movie that has no special features, that no one ever heard of, and that is near without redeeming qualities? Genius! 0 out of 5

      The Verdict:

Seriously…why? Why was this ever made? And then, more importantly, why did it ever see store shelves in DVD form?

      The Good: Billy Zane does his best.

      The Bad: That there is a hole in my soul that this movie has left.

      The Overall Ugly: No, really…I want to hurt someone for having had to watch this.

      What it's Worth: If someone tries to give it to you punch them in the throat until they stop breathing and then urinate on them.